My younger and dog-species cousin comes over for weekends. His name is Hercules and he is white, loud and hyper. I don’t have anything against dogs- I grew up with two Golden Retrievers- Hannah and Harley- after all, but this dog rubs me the wrong way. He just comes over and suddenly everyone dotes on him and cheers at the fact that he can sit, roll over, and give his paw on command. I can do that, too, you know, and I don’t even need to be told to. I don’t get treats when I sit or roll over- so why does he? It’s ridiculous. He has them wrapped around his scrappy paw- which he doesn’t even clean after running around in dirt and grass all day.
The second Hercules comes into the house he goes crazy: jumping on everyone, running in circles frantically and barking at Harley to play with him. I decide to stay in my room where Hercules cannot come in- I have a gate that separates my room from the rest of the house- also protecting my stuff from dog fur and slobber. Sometimes I like to sit at the gate and watch the sideshow which is Hercules- running around at full speed for no apparent reason or howling along with the sirens of fire trucks and police cars.
The thing is, when Hercules is over I am forced to stay in my room, lest I want to be chased after by the crazy dog- or exposed to the high pitch of his bark- probably so high pitched even he can’t hear it. Even my Mom hangs out with Hercules! Sometimes my Mom even watches him when my Auntie goes to work. Now, I am normally loving and sweet, but something about this curly furred dog brings out my jealous, possessive side.
I mean, really, why must my Mom play with that dog- when I- her “precious baby”- is stuck behind a gate to protect myself from being mauled to death by a dog that is, almost, twice my size. So what if he is scared of his own shadow, he could still- theoretically- kill me. After all, I do practically die of nausea every time I lay my eyes on that pathetic white fur ball with his puppy-dog eyes. Gag. Sometimes I swear my Mom forgets about me just because Hercules has “cute floppy golden ears” and he freely gives kisses. It’s sickening and pathetic. He makes me barf- literally- and even then, all my Mom does is clean it up-and then decides not to feed me anything else in case it’s the food that made me sick. I couldn't believe it: the dog was trying to starve me to death- it was then I had to put some plans into action.
The thing about Hercules is, he needs to have everyone like him. He wants everyone to love him and treat him like the baby that he is. I am determined to show the truth about him- that he is a killer. I happen to know that it drives Hercules crazy that I won’t be his friend. So, I sit at my gate and wait for Hercules to notice me. Of course he does and runs up to the gate and tries to say hi.I say hi back. He asks to play-which I agree to. Still no one has noticed, so I ask Hercules to show me how loud he can bark. Too eagerly he agrees- and barks. I ask him to do it again- and desperate to please- he barks again. I smile to myself as I hear my Auntie and Mom come running over. As soon as they see me I run from the gate- scared- or so they think.
I silently purr as Auntie yells at Hercules- who barks that I told him to do it- but luckily they are not fluent in “dog” so they can’t understand him. My Mom runs to me, and I meow and meow and rub up against her-thanking her for saving me. I glare back at Hercules, who looks back at me- mad. I meow again- taunting the dog- which sets him off.
“How dare you- you set me up!” he barks while jumping back and forth like a boxer. I pretend to be scared while my Auntie scolds Hercules again and pulls him away. I turn my attention back to my Mom who has now picked me up and showered me with hugs and kisses. I jump out of her arms and meow for some food. Of course, she obliges. After I eat, she sits down and pets me, but by this time I am tired and go to my bed to sleep, so she leaves, while I happily purr myself to sleep.
Hercules always falls for this little trick- always thinking I’ll be his friend- which I won’t of course. It drives him crazy. And, for some reason, my Mom and Aunt want us to be friends. They have even gone so far as to bring the dog into my room. I was sleeping one afternoon, minding my own business when the next thing I knew my Mom and Auntie come in, with Hercules in my Aunties arms! As soon as I saw him I tried to go back to sleep- hoping it was all just a nightmare- but realized it wasn’t as soon as they sat him down and the smell of dog wafted over my clean bed. By this time, Hercules grew a brain and realized I had set him up on more than one occasion- resulting in a scolding for him- and treats for me, so he sat on the bed- frozen like a statue. I leaned over my cat bed and smelled him, mumbling, “what, did you play in a dump” under my breath.
From the corner of my eyes, I could see my Mom and Auntie exchange smiles. I couldn’t believe it, they thought I was going to be friends with him. Ugh. So, I pretended to show an interest in the dog. Of course, Hercules was scared to even move- in case he got himself in trouble. I don’t know, I guess it was all too much, so he jumped off the bed and ran to the gate asking to be let out. My Auntie, of course, let him out. Thank God- one more second of him and I’d be forced to spend the good percentage of the day cleaning the stench of dog out of my fur. So I curled back up in my cat bed and went to sleep.
Later after I woke back up again, I thought it was all just a dream. I jumped over the gate and lazily went to the living room to where I could hear my Mom and Auntie talking. It’d be nice to be pet for a while. Much to my dismay, Hercules wasn’t just a nightmare- he was real- and sat curled up in my Auntie’s lap. I glared my eyes and waited for my Mom to notice me. She did, and came over to me and pet me, turning her back to shield me from the vicious dog. I meowed and rubbed against my Mom. This, of course, caught Hercules’ attention. He jumped from my Aunties lap and tried to say hi. So annoying. As if I was going to say hi to the creature who is trying to steal my family. So, I did what any self-respecting animal would do: asked him if he wanted to play chase.
Of course, the gullible dog agreed and began to chase me. I ran and jumped over my gate smirking while Hercules tried to catch me. My Mommy and Auntie ran after him and scolded him while I sat smugly watching. My Mom came over to me and gave me kisses telling my Auntie, “Aw, Charcole just wants some attention” and then took out my brush to brush me. Being the sweet cat that I am, I let her, and curled up in her lap while she brushed me for the next fifteen minutes.
By the time the weekend is over, I am exhausted. That dog sure takes a lot of energy. But, sure enough, there comes the time where I hear my Auntie taking out Hercules’s leash. During the week he stays at his paternal grandparents house . I listen as my Mom says bye and wait for my Auntie to open the front door, with Hercules being led out. I jump to my window seat and watch as the dog is put into the car, and loudly purr as my Auntie drives off to drop him off for the week.
